I feel like I have lived a lifetime in jut a day. It all seems like a dream--a foggy dream. Yesterday morning we went to the Bank of China to exchange our US money into Chinese. We took in about $9,000 which raised some eyebrows. We raised even more when we walked out with a brown paper bag stuffed with about 45,000 RMBs. We couldn't wait to get rid of that money!!!!
Will was scheduled to arrive at our hotel door around 4pm. I couldn't eat lunch. I was nauseated and anxious in the pit of my stomach. Truth be told--I was calculating a way that I could throw everything in my suitcase and run. I asked Brent to pray with me and he did and the peace of God washed over me. I still wasn't sure if I could do this, but I knew the Lord was with me and that he'd help me through it. After a long nap, I was feeling better. Numb, but better.
The knock came promptly at four and as Brent turned on the video camera, I went to the door. Standing there was our son surrounded by our translator, his social welfare worker and the supervisor of foster care programs and another caregiver from the orphanage. I was just kind of stunned--staring at him and not believing that he was here in the flesh. I bent down and started softly talking to him and the workers began to talk to him telling him who we were and showing him the toys we'd brought. His face looked terrified--sort of blank and emotionless. He went to the trucks and picked them up. I was able to touch him and stroke his cheeks and whisper to him that everything would be ok. The workers answered some questions for us and spent many minutes explaining to Will that we were his parents and he'd be staying with us. He started to cry--a very controlled, heartbreaking sob. I picked him up (instinctively) and thus began the trauma attachment to me.
Paperwork was signed and pictures were taken with his workers and very quietly his workers slipped out of the door. It was just us and him. We played with him a little but it was mostly us playing in front of him while he starred straight ahead. Off and on, he'd weep and I'd pick him up and he'd cling to me. I cried too because I knew we were the source of fear and he was grieving for his foster family. I couldn't calm him in his native tongue and it was a difficult, helpless feeling. After swaying with him and walking, he fell sleep in my arms and I climbed on to the bed and let him rest on me for a while.
A family photographer showed up about 20 minutes later to take our picture for the adoption certificate. I gently woke Will and he started crying again. He has two stuffed animals from the orphanage--a blue Crazy Bird animal and Sponge Bob (unfortunately). I gave them to him and he clutched them and calmed down. He wants them constantly around him which is fine. Photograph was done and we met with our translator and went to dinner. He did let us carry him, feed him, and hold him on our lap in the restaurant---all good signs. He ate some fish and chicken and drank water from a sippy cup that we offered. When he's overwhelmed, he goes into this trance where he stares blankly ahead and his eyes don't register with anything. Towards the end of dinner, he was beginning to cry again and glaze over so we paid and left back to the hotel. We tried to get him to change clothes, but he shrieked. We let him sleep in his orphanage clothes without taking a bath, but we did manage to get his shoes off of him. Small victories, right?
The greatest part of the evening was when Brent mixed him his "hot milk" bottle. In bed, I held him in my arms and he quietly drank the entire bottle and drifted off to sleep. I laid him down next to me and proceeded to sleep too. He slept all night beside me, never waking.
What a joyous and terrifying day. He knows that he's left his foster family who he loves. He knows that he's left his caregiver who he adores and he's very quietly aching. The sadness in his eyes just about kill us and we long for the day when they light up at us. He hasn't smiled or talked. He just stares, but it's ok. He's dealing with this is a healthy way. This is a good foundation to build on. We are so grateful to God for watching over us today and we cling to him as we head into the next few days. We're just looking for progress. ....just a tiny glimmer of recognition in him that he knows he'll be ok.
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