The Blogging Truth

  To all the bloggers out there with pasted on smiles and monogrammed aprons--I'm not you. I didn't jar fresh salsa today or make cookies with my six home-schooled children. I didn't volunteer at a homeless shelter and then mentor at the YMCA. Want to know my blogging truth today? Today I woke up feeling completely unlovable and I walked that path all day. The previous night had whispered my shortcomings to me and my mind was set in that mode upon waking. I tried to re-program. I reached for my devotional and read scripture and prayed that I would let go of these thoughts and find joy in the day...that I could see in the mirror the miracle of His creation. All I could see was an aging failure. I fought all day long to do as Colossians 3:2 commands and set my mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. But in the quiet moments of my day I would be transported back to the career I never had, the guy who didn't want me, the woman who looks better than me, the mother who loves stronger than me, and on and on. Today I was hopelessly earth-bound.
  In Emily Freeman's book Grace for the Good Girl, she writes that her mind has not yet caught up with the reality that her spirit has now been united with God's Spirit and that her true identity is found there. She sympathises with me when she writes:
The reality is I am safe.
My mind still lives in fear.
The reality is that I am loved.
My mind still races to find ways to ensure my acceptance.
The reality is I have worth.
My mind dwells on thoughts of self-hatred.
...the unseen mind is an unruly battlefield.

Maybe I won't ever write that book that I feel is inside of me. Perhaps I won't be the pioneer for orphans or the next Mother Teresa of missions. Those last five pounds may just hug tight to me and I'll never know why so-and-so dumped me (apart from the fact that he was clearly insane ;). But I am a daughter of the King and I have worth. As I write this tonight before bed, I pray that you too will sleep tonight resting in the peace that our value is in Him and not anything else that this world offers. We have days like this, don't we? But let's not camp in this ugly spot. Let's move on to tomorrow and fresh mercies. Let's walk another day trusting our Lord and asking Him what His plan is for our life.  And let's remember---in heaven, I'll be perfect :)