Doing Less in 2012

  Well, the resolutions are swirling around again. Seeing as its been more than four months since I last blogged, should I resolve to blog more consistently? I'm not even going there. Anyway, the resolutions sound the same year to year, don't they? Do more. Be better. Be stronger. Get control. Oh, I've done it too. I've made resolutions so lengthy and complicated that I can't help but fail. I fail because it's all about doing things in my own strength--my favorite way to live.
 So this year, I resolve to do less, be poorer, be weaker, lose control. Let God be God and resign my post as His assistant (an unnecessary position). I've been in training for this assignment. I did fly to the Czech Republic last summer and spend two weeks so far out of my element that I thought I might die. Weak. Out of control. And what an experience it was...because He was leading. That, however, was just barely dipping my toe in to the pool of doing less and being less so He could do more and Be more through me.  Then we were called to adopt.
  If you want to feel absolute weakness and loss of control---start the adoption process. It's clear that God has been putting me in situations where I'm stripped of my ability to manipulate and manage (read blog about my back problem). It just can't be done in adoption. It is all Him and it's scary at times. Because in the back of mind, though I know differently, I wonder if maybe, just maybe, He won't show up for me. I'm waiting for Him to cut and run, and when He doesn't, I just can't figure out why. Why does this Father keep coming back for his daughter?
  As our family pursues this adoption of our little boy, it solidifies the gospel for me. We rescue because we have been rescued. We pursue because we have been fervently pursued. We love because we have known real love. Oh how humbling is this picture.
 So this is the year that five become six. It's overwhelming to think of, really. Just last night I was overcome with fearful thoughts. What if I'm ruining our family? What if this damages our children? What if this ruins my marriage? What if I just completely and utterly fail him?
Do less. Be weaker. Be poorer. Lose control.
 As we wait for immigration approval, travel is looking to be less than six months away. It's becoming more real. Every night, in prayer, I give my fears over to God--only to take them back and have to re-surrender them the next night. It's a constant struggle, but I am fighting. I know the beauty that comes from letting Him lead.
 So, resist the resolution to be better, be stronger, be more this year and join me in doing less. God will be big for us this year as he has been every year and He'll stay. No matter what, He will stay.
Happy New Year from our family to yours and meet our little guy-- the gift that only a powerful, all-knowing God could possibly give.

To help our family adopt- visit
www.faceofadoption.wordpress.com to purchase a 2012 calendar featuring the beautiful faces of Birmingham's adopted children. Forty percent of all profits go to Lifeline's Children Services.