Give me an L-O-C!!!!!

When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry." Psalms 40:1

I've been having very vivid dreams about our China trip for several days now. I can see the orphanage and the faces of the workers. I'm standing with my arms outstretched waiting for Will to be placed within them. I can see his tiny face and feel his hair against my cheek. It feels so real. My dreams grow my yearning for him--for fantasy to yield to reality. I just want our time to come. Monday was a really difficult day for me. I was impatient and low. I prayed to my Father to hasten this process and to bring word from China. The next day He did.
The call came from our agency that our Letter of Confirmation was in! This is a milestone because now we just wait for travel approval. Yes, we have more paperwork to do. Yes, we have more money to raise. But the clock is ticking until we board the plane and head to retrieve our son. I can't express the gratitude I feel to God for bringing us through yet another phase of this process. His power is so evident in our lives as he navigates the steps associated with uniting Will with us. It is all Him. And His work is not yet done.
Last night we joyfully filled out immigration papers for Will and an application for Will's visa to be issued. We'll have it all in the mail by Friday and then we wait again. We hope to receive approval to travel in two to three months. TWO TO THREE MONTHS! That's not long and that time will be filled with preparations, packing, more paperwork, gathering travel documents, making arrangements for the children etc...There will be work for my hands to do. And I'll be praying. Praying for protection over our travels and for our children left here. I'll be praying for Will as he waits for us--that supernaturally, he'd know we are coming for him and when he sees us, that his heart would find peace and not fear. There are so many teeny tiny details to pray over, but I'm going to continue to voice them all. Because my God is a God of details and He shows me He loves me by smoothing out the wrinkles of life. Pray with me!
 Will turned two on May 16th and we celebrated by having a special evening in his honor. We prayed for him and for China. Thought you might like to see some photos!

We baked a cake. Chocolate with cream cheese frosting. Ben thought it would be best to bake the cake while wearing just underwear????? We enjoyed sampling the cake too! We made home-made cards and read about the province that Will lives in (Guangxi). His province is one of the poorest and most undeveloped provinces in all of China. We prayed for all the fatherless sleeping there that night.

This is the last year that Will's birthday will go uncelebrated. May 16, 2013 will be the first birthday of his new life. Praise God!

Turning a Blind Eye

 The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD;
  he turns it wherever he will.
(Proverbs 21:1 ESV)

       Today God gave me a very clear reminder that He is in control--of everything and everyone. As I was getting ready to go to sleep last night, Brent came in holding a copy of our home study (never good). He'd been working on our application for funds from Lifesong and while he was gathering documents, he happened to notice the date of expiration printed on our home study: November 30, 2011. Impossible. We've only had our home study completed for about four months or so and it's valid for a year. The date should read November 30, 2012!! This sounds like such a trivial thing. An error. A typo. To the Chinese government, however, it's reason to kick your paperwork back along with the gift of at least a 2 month delay. I didn't panic ( well, I shrieked in horror on the inside). Then I prayed that the Lord would fix this somehow. I checked that paperwork 1,000 times and never caught that error. Brent checked it. Lifeline checked it. All God's Children checked it. It had gotten past all of us.

    This morning we fired off an email to our social worker at AGCI and waited for a response. We just got delayed two months--could I stand another delay? Yes. If God wills it...we'll wait longer. Our social worker responded after checking with several colleagues and couldn't believe that we had gotten through the immigration approval process with that error. We were granted our I-800A several months ago. They hadn't noticed. And then today, we were officially notified that we've been logged into the computer with the CCWA. They hadn't noticed either. I firmly believe that God turned their eyes away from that date and allowed us to proceed.

   At this point, we believe that if our home study agency corrects the date for our records and we travel with a corrected copy of the home study--we'll be OK. It may pop up and cause a problem in the future, but at this point we are exactly where God wants us to be in this journey. There is such peace in knowing that He turns the hearts (and eyes) of immigration workers, government officials--whomever He chooses.

 I have to smile in my heart when so many high-ranking, important people think that they hold our adoption in their hands. Like paper dolls, God is maneuvering them as He wills and ultimately our adoption lay in His mighty hands. Amen to that!     



A few things...

     I'd love to say that it's laundry, baking, gardening, and cleaning which defer my attention from blogging, but I'm honest. It's books and fatigue. I find myself so tired these days. If I do have a little evening spurt of energy, then I head to the couch with my book of choice instead of sitting to write. I just possess enough energy to make my eyes move from left to right across the page. Writing requires many functions of the brain. Functions which tend to shut down after 8pm.
 But it's a bright, beautiful noon-ish here in Birmingham, and I wanted to write with some updates and thoughts. Let's start with my favorite topic, our son Will. Our dossier is safely in China for translation. FINALLY. We've had some delays, but it's just a relief to know that paperwork is a thing of the past. It will take about 2-3 months for all of our documents to be translated and reviewed. I pity whoever has that job! They'll issue a letter of confirmation after that. So that's where we are right now--waiting for letter of confirmation (LOC). I'm trying to find things to occupy my time like exercising (see how desperate I am!), cleaning out closets, making endless lists of things to buy for our trip etc... etc... Occasionally, it works and I'm distracted and don't think about the wait. More often, I see Will's picture on the fridge and ache for him.

  Speaking of pictures. We were delighted to receive two new pictures of Will just a couple of weeks ago. I'm so comforted by how healthy he looks and how big! He's 27lbs and all his other measurements are within the normal range. Praise God! He is being well taken care of. I believe he's ready to shoot deer in Alabama, judging by his outfit. Remind me to make a list of clothing needs! The next one is my favorite. He just looks like a tiny little boy. I want to scoop him up and kiss him when I see this photo. So cute! I'm so thankful to God for this confirmation that our son is well and thankful for those who traveled to the orphanage to photograph him. They cannot possibly know what it means to waiting families. I expect that this will be the only update we'll receive before we travel and see him in the flesh! 

Which brings us to travel time. We had been looking at the beginning of the summer, but it seems that August/September is a more realistic time frame. Although the waiting is difficult, both Brent and I have such trust in God's timing and we know that we will meet Will at the perfect time that God appointed. He is paving the way for this union and we are praying that he is smoothing the details as we sit here waiting expectantly. Many of you have asked how you can specifically pray for us. I'd like to share the following requests so that when the Lord puts us on your heart, you'll be able to intercede specifically: 1. Please pray that God will prepare hearts- the hearts of the workers who have cared for Will since he was 14 days old; for Will who has little to no idea about his impending adoption; and for the government workers who we will stand before during our court appointments. May our hearts be prepared also! Pray that we will be able to love the Chinese people and that the Lord's light will radiate from our faces. Pray that we will be able to love Will unconditionally and cling to Christ through the difficult times that we know are coming. Pray for the hearts of our children as we make this huge transition.

2. Please pray for the remaining funds needed for this adoption. I believe we lack $10,000 which sounds ominus, but Praise GOD! He was provided over $20,000 already. We need flight costs to be low when we book and other fluctuating costs to be minimal. I know my God can do this.

3. Please pray for the remainder of the process. Pray that God would safeguard our documents and that they would be attended to in a timely fashion. I pray that He would put people in our path who might be open to hearing about the love of Jesus. I want our trip to China to be more than a trip to retrieve Will. I want this trip to be a glimpse into a world where all heavenly light is surpressed. I need my eyes opened and heart stirred to labor and pray for this country. Deep down in my soul, I know that I am going to fall in love with China and its people just like I did with Czech and the beautiful people there.

With spring break upon us, I hope to write more about some things God has been teaching and showing me during this time. I am constantly amazed at the depth of love and involvement my savior has in my life. I shouldn't be amazed. He loved me enough to die for me. May my amazement be turned into never-ending gratitude.

I NEED CAKE!

  Talking via phone with anyone affiliated with local or state government entities...makes me want to eat cake. I mean, eat the entire sheet cake in under five minutes, flat. I mean, just got-out-of-prison eat. Why? Here's a recap of today's conversations when trying to get information about having adoption documents county certified. Apparently, I would have had better luck had I called and asked the shoe size of the current President of the United States.
...ring, ring.... Kerry optimistically ready with pen and paper to take down details. HA!
Stranger #1: Hello, Jefferson County Courthouse.
Kerry: Yes, I was wondering if I could speak with the person in charge of county certifying documents for adoption purposes.
Stranger #1- Er...I don't know what that is.
Kerry: Well, it's where the county certifies the notary signature on documents for adoption.
Stranger #1- Um, call this number. (Click.)
Kerry dials phone number 2. Still perky.
Stranger # 2: Hello. Judge So and So's office.
Kerry: repeats directive from above.
Stranger #2- That's not this office. It's either circuit court or district court. Try both of these numbers.
Kerry dials phone number 3
Stranger #3- No, that's not us. Try the other number.
Kerry has put down pen and pencil and is now sensing elevation of blood pressure.
Stranger #4- No, we don't do that here. Try probate court. Here's the number.
Deep exhale. Kerry dials phone number 4 and thinks about how similar this is to calling Charter with a technical problem..
Stranger #5- Well, you're close. All adoption-related issues are done in Judge Whoever's office. Call blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
Kerry now has no assurance that anyone in that entire building has ever heard of county certifying documents.
Dials sixth number.
Stranger #6 (but who's counting?)- No, we only deal with US adoptions once the international adoption has taken place. Call Circuit Civil Court on the 4th floor. I don't know the number, though.
Kerry: Will the main operator have the number?
Stranger #6 (who is probably doing crossword puzzle while speaking to me)- No. She got laid off. Try the blue section of the yellow pages.
Kerry slams head downwards onto table.
Minutes later and after a renewed sense of determination--Kerry consults yellow pages and finds phone number to Circuit Civil Court.
Kerry notes that it's the same number she called on attempt number 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Head back down on table. Kerry punts to Brent to find out information. Kerry wants cake.

 Unfortunately, this scenario is not that uncommon when trying to accomplish something in the adoption process. It's crazy frustrating. It leaves you asking the question: Shouldn't this be easier? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why isn't adoption just plain easier? I think you really have to want it. You have to be so motivated by love for that child that you just perservere through the cost, the inconvenience, the government red-tape, the hours of training--all of it. And when the day comes that I can hold that boy's face in my hands, I'll be able to tell him that we fought for him...and it was worth it all.
 Our adoption by Christ wasn't easy, was it? Tim Keller writes in King's Cross: "Through Jesus Christ, an infinite cost to himself, God has clothed us in costly clean garments. It cost him his blood." Our adoption cost Jesus his life. There is no greater price. 
 With that thought in mind, we press on. We re-do documents, write large checks, battle on the phones for information because it's part of the cost of wanting that little boy like God wanted me. And when I think about the millions of orphans remaining, I remember that Christ would have died for just one. And so we fight for just one.

Doing Less in 2012

  Well, the resolutions are swirling around again. Seeing as its been more than four months since I last blogged, should I resolve to blog more consistently? I'm not even going there. Anyway, the resolutions sound the same year to year, don't they? Do more. Be better. Be stronger. Get control. Oh, I've done it too. I've made resolutions so lengthy and complicated that I can't help but fail. I fail because it's all about doing things in my own strength--my favorite way to live.
 So this year, I resolve to do less, be poorer, be weaker, lose control. Let God be God and resign my post as His assistant (an unnecessary position). I've been in training for this assignment. I did fly to the Czech Republic last summer and spend two weeks so far out of my element that I thought I might die. Weak. Out of control. And what an experience it was...because He was leading. That, however, was just barely dipping my toe in to the pool of doing less and being less so He could do more and Be more through me.  Then we were called to adopt.
  If you want to feel absolute weakness and loss of control---start the adoption process. It's clear that God has been putting me in situations where I'm stripped of my ability to manipulate and manage (read blog about my back problem). It just can't be done in adoption. It is all Him and it's scary at times. Because in the back of mind, though I know differently, I wonder if maybe, just maybe, He won't show up for me. I'm waiting for Him to cut and run, and when He doesn't, I just can't figure out why. Why does this Father keep coming back for his daughter?
  As our family pursues this adoption of our little boy, it solidifies the gospel for me. We rescue because we have been rescued. We pursue because we have been fervently pursued. We love because we have known real love. Oh how humbling is this picture.
 So this is the year that five become six. It's overwhelming to think of, really. Just last night I was overcome with fearful thoughts. What if I'm ruining our family? What if this damages our children? What if this ruins my marriage? What if I just completely and utterly fail him?
Do less. Be weaker. Be poorer. Lose control.
 As we wait for immigration approval, travel is looking to be less than six months away. It's becoming more real. Every night, in prayer, I give my fears over to God--only to take them back and have to re-surrender them the next night. It's a constant struggle, but I am fighting. I know the beauty that comes from letting Him lead.
 So, resist the resolution to be better, be stronger, be more this year and join me in doing less. God will be big for us this year as he has been every year and He'll stay. No matter what, He will stay.
Happy New Year from our family to yours and meet our little guy-- the gift that only a powerful, all-knowing God could possibly give.

To help our family adopt- visit
www.faceofadoption.wordpress.com to purchase a 2012 calendar featuring the beautiful faces of Birmingham's adopted children. Forty percent of all profits go to Lifeline's Children Services.

  

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away--Part II

 "...shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

Job 2:10

The night of Dave's home coming, when the tears were still wet and my heart was so heavy....the phone rang. It was 10pm-- a time when my phone has usually silenced. I saw the name of our social worker appear on the caller i.d. and I knew. She had a referral for us. For months now we had been dreaming about the faceless child in China who we believed God had chosen for us. We'd worked tirelessly on paperwork (still are!), paid thousands in fees, and had our hearts kicked around all to culimate in the actual matching of child with family. Was it really happening now? This isn't how I pictured it. I could barely grip any threads of happiness to hoist up and place in my voice. I just stared at the phone. But I answered, didn't I? Of course. And I heard those words: "we have a little boy for you." In that moment it was possible for grief and joy to coexist. I wanted to know about that boy. Our boy?
We talked for a few moments and she then said she would email the photos and medical information for us to review and we had 48 hours to decide, act, and committ. I'd like to say that I patiently downloaded the narrative first to read about who this child is and what he's been through. But, I wanted to see his face and when that picture appeared on the screen my tears transformed and we both wept for joy.
 He is the sweetest little child you have ever seen. Big brown eyes. Beautiful dark hair and eyebrows. Pensive mouth. He's 15 months old with a diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy. To us, he's just perfect. He IS our boy.
 The next few days were spent in high-intensity fury as we gathered the neccessary documents to secure his adoption to us. It was secured the day we buried Dave's earthly body. Why connect such a joyous event to such a grievous one? Well, the buds push through near winter's end don't they? God reminded us of his faithfulness. God reminded us that He does know exactly what he's doing. He gives gifts even amidst times of sorrow. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
So now the journey continues. More paperwork. More money. More waiting. But at the end of it all, there's a face to this gift and God's promises stand all along the way. The master called a life in and sent forth a life all in the same day. We serve a mighty God whose ways can never be understood. Praise be for that.

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away--Part I

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Job 1:21 

The past few weeks have been some of the hardest on the calendar. Our small congregation has lost four church members in three weeks....and it hurts. It really hurts. One of those dear people suddenly called to his Father's side was our friend, Dave Hudson. He was a sweet and gentle man who was deliberate in what he said, and intentional in what he did. As someone who can be so flippant in both word and deed, these were characteristics I so admired about Dave for it takes a tremendous amount of godliness and self-control.
Of course, Dave was a very godly man. We've known this family for about eight years, but the past few he and his wife (Claire) have sat at our dining room table nearly every Sunday evening. We've enjoyed fellowship with him as we shared a meal, studied God's word, and prayed. Everything he said and did was infused with a deep passion for the Lord which he wore on his face through his vibrant smile. I respected him and loved him.
So the day he met Jesus had more sorrow for me than it should have. It seemed that the joy of knowing he was safe in the Savior's presence was clouded by the grief of knowing his wife was broken hearted, his girls had lost their hero father, and our church had lost an elder, a teacher, a brother, a friend. There's that minute (or, more truthfully, sometimes longer than a minute) when you really wonder if God knew what he was doing when he took his servant home. What about those of us left behind?
I carried those thoughts around that first day as a I struggled to believe the reality of the matter. And then I thought of Job. Divinely, it was the book of Job that our group had decided to begin studying exactly one week before Dave's passing. The Lord knew. Now Job lost all of his children and upon hearing this he displayed all the expressions of grief. Isn't it wonderful that we have freedom to grieve? We can cry. We can pound our fists. We can ache from the very depths of our souls...freely. HOWEVER, Job also worshipped the Lord. He blessed the name of Jehovah. He submitted. He did not curse him or shout hasty words against God. He submitted and worshipped, knowing that God wills trials for his own reasons and believers are to trust.
 I'm clinging to that and his family is too. We will grieve knowing that tomorrow night he's not coming. His space will be empty. But instead of supping with us, He's supping at the ultimate table. He has seen Jesus, and that, my friends, takes my breath away.