A Journey

Refer back, if you would, to my initial post entitled "So you think you can blog?" Apparently, I can't ....at least not consistently anyway. The writing part comes easily for me, but I don't naturally walk around with my camera waiting for a photo op. And so many precious moments slip by, stored in my mind (which is fading everyday) instead of documented forever. I'm going to try and be better about capturing the images of this journey we're on. A journey that is constantly changing paths.
The past year has been up and down. A new house. Brent makes partner at his firm.  A difficult diagnosis of a chronic back problem. A suspicious mammogram. A car accident. Tornadoes strike. The Lord delivers relief to me and I exhale the breath of thankfulness. I'm going to the Czech Republic! Friends marry. Babies are welcomed. Rejoicing. Suffering is still worn on the faces of those around me. Pain is still the reminder that this is not our home. And through it all, the ups and downs, is the strongly rooted person of Christ. He stands with His arms outstretched to the side, acting one day as a buffer and the next as a Father waiting to embrace.
 There's no photograph that can capture the internal change of my heart over the past year. It's still a heart blackened by sin, but softened by a realization of God's mercy and grace to me, His daughter. It's a heart that is beginning to break for the things that break His. It's a heart that is beginning to surrender to what the Lord has for me in life. Another journey begins.
 I've posted before of our desire for more children. It's a desire that will go unfulfilled, at least biologically anyway due to the instability of my back. Another down moment. But the Lord dropped a seed in our hearts months ago and has been cultivating it ever so slowly. The heart that has always said no to adoption is now saying yes. We can never fully understand the Lord's ways and how this seed has come to grow so strong remains a mystery. But here we stand, aching for a child and knowing that adoption is the cure.
 In the recent months, we have applied for a Chinese adoption through All God's Children International adoption agency in Oregon. We are waiting for our official review next week where we will hopefully be approved and be able to move on to our home study. A particular young Chinese beauty of a boy captured our hearts and we were taking steps towards adopting him specifically. However, yesterday we learned that another family was ahead of us in the process and secured him first. Heartbreak. Through the tears, I do feel the Lord working. I absolutely know that He has a plan for us and I'm going to walk towards it trying not to grieve what I had chosen for myself, but joyfully anticipate what He has chosen for me instead.
So journey with us through the journey of adoption. I promise it will be a difficult one as it has already proven to be. But I also promise that God will find a way to bring glory to Himself and isn't that what all the journeys of life are ultimately about? Deep breath. Bring on the ups and downs. Bring on another cuteness!

Benjamin slides into three!

    Well, I'm obviously not going to win "The Most Consistent Blogger" award this year. Life has been consuming lately with a stomach bug (x3), the constant physical therapy appointments, field trips, a mammogram scare, and a very unwelcomed car accident. But God is faithful. I have felt His hand on my back through it all and so I continue to walk through each day, thankful for a God who said He would never leave me nor forsake me. He never has.
    Today I want to share with you a little bit about Ben, our third child who just turned three. When we found out we were pregnant again, I just knew it was a boy. I bought boy clothes and scrolled through male names long before that all-telling ultrasound. It never even entered my mind that it could be a girl. And after two girls, I was ready for trucks, dirt, and noise. I smile when I look back on my life and see how God always proves Himself faithful in delivering to me just what I need. I needed a Ben.
    He came into our family and tipped everything upside down....and if you know me at all, you know that I don't like "upside down". He was a tough baby. He cried a lot and slept very little. It was a full year before that child slept through the night and even longer for me. I found myself really struggling for joy in motherhood because I was just plain exhausted. He ate constantly and when I read in the Bible that the tribe of Benjamin was described as being "ravenous wolves," I smiled that God had led us to that name. I think drinking a 12oz bottle certainly qualifies as being ravenous!! It took a long time for myself to return and for Ben to settle into anything of a predictable baby....but oh when he did. The rewards were great.

 He's just one hundred percent joy and energy....with a really large dose of sweetness thrown in. He's very affectionate and I love that at three years old, he still asks to be rocked before bedtime. He's generous with his hugs and kisses and the girls adore him. Trust me when I say that the feeling is mutual. And yes, he's flushed three bars of soap down the toilet and stuck Wheat Thins in Daddy's dvd player, but those experiences have loosened me up and taught me to laugh (note: it doesn't mean I wasn't MAD at the time). It's hard to imagine that there was ever a time without Ben in our lives.

 For his birthday, we partied with friends at Pump-It-Up, a virtual kid-zone of inflatables where kids (and adults) go wild. We had an awesome time as evidenced by  these pictures.

 Think back to the story of Joseph. Joseph has risen to power despite being sold by his brothers and now there is famine in the land. Having heard that there is grain for sale, Jacob sends out his remaining sons to go purchase some food...all except Benjamin. Benjamin was the youngest of all, the second son of Rachel, Jacob's beloved, and the favorite of his father since he thought Joseph was dead. But when his brothers appear before him, Joseph calls for the presence of Benjamin--wanting to see if they have done to Benjamin what was done to him. They return with Benjamin and it's his sack in which Joseph puts his cup to test if these brothers have infact changed their ways and become honest followers of the Lord. Jacob fears that he will never see his son again and it's Judah who says to old Israel, "I will be a pledge of his safty. From my hand you will require him," (Genesis 49:27). As Russell D. Moore writes in his book Adopted for Life, "Benjamin, after all, didn't return home to Jacob because of his own power. Only the trube of Judah could save him, a tribe that brought forth to us its final son, Our Lord Jesus." It is our life-long prayer that our Benjamin grows up to life in the house of Judah.

What's Your Favorite Color?

  As I write today it is grey and dismal outside. It is colorless and cold. The absence of color strips away my energy and my mood drives downward. I've never really thought about how color infuses all life. Imagine living in a prison cell day after day--colorless walls and faceless people. Yes, the women of the Lovelady Center have made mistakes and yes they should honor the consequences. But when they have fulfilled their punishment they still step out into grey.  How does one find a job as a convicted felon? Without a job, how does one find a place to live or transportation? Prison on the inside. Prison on the outside. The world withholds its color from them and they are destined to fail. Without some kind of post-release program, more than 70% of women will become repeat offenders and return to jail--a life that they know.
 Meeting Jesus is like seeing the color of the world for the very first time. He opens our eyes and reveals Himself to us. He repairs and restores and steadies our feet as we step into the painted world. These women's lives don't begin when they are set free from their literal prison. Their lives begin when they meet Jesus and He sets them free from their total bondage. The LLC brings Jesus to them as they help meet their physical and emotional needs. They want to help them put the color back in their soul....and so did we.
 Many shopping trips and many details later, our team hit the Lovelady Center with paint brushes in hand to paint some color on those walls of change. We had two rooms and two visions: a yellow and navy room and a blue and green room. Day one we painted two coats in each room and began some minor work. It was really day two that the hard work began. We changed light fixtures, and scrubbed showers. We hung towel racks and washed windows. We  dressed beds and moved furniture. We attempted to make a home for these ladies. And here's how it turned out.
 



Boy did I
have fun at Target!
     :)


Although, we worked together, all credit for this room really goes to the lovely Tally Dettling. The girl can put a room together! I think we bought every single thing at Target and spent about $600 per room. Tally made the bulletin boards--don't you just love them? Kids came by while we working and just begged for their room to be done. Broke our hearts! I love those green lamps too--just $19.99. One might appear in my house soon. :)
Room two looked like this and was put together by Meg Decoudres and Amy Henry--equally talented and gorgeous women.  The walls are "Convivial yellow" by Sherwin Williams---a gorgeous, creamy, neutral yellow. The navy blue gives such a fresh pop of color to the room that you can't help but be happy in there!

The furniture was donated to me and with a little elbow grease, oil, and some new knobs--I think it came out wonderfully!

Amazing transformation, right? It just goes to show what a little paint and a little money can really do. We transformed their rooms as they seek to transform their lives. Next, I'll be writing about the women's reactions and what I learned throughout the weekend.  I want to thank all the amazing people who helped during this weekend. We had such fun serving alongside of one another. A special thanks to the Home Depot for donating all the paint and supplies. It was a very generous gift.
Until next time.....

Lovely Ladies

This room belongs to my new friends.
One of the ladies is expecting twins in April!

       Phillipians 2:3-7 says:

 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made him-self nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.



 What an amazing weekend. AMAZING! Friday, February 26th kicked off the beginning of our annual Outreach Conference. This year's topic was: adopted (in Christ) the orphan, the gospel, and the church. When I first heard the title, I have to confess that I wasn't all that stirred. I mean, afterall, we're not considering adoption, so it will have little relevance to me. Right? However, I was assured that the contents of the conference would apply to everyone and that I shouldn't miss a single session of it. It was guaranteed to be gooooooood. Fair enough. I never like to miss a party, so I committed to being there. I was, however, instantly excited about a new component to our outreach conference: an outreach project. In a moment of passion, (and insanity) I volunteered to coordinate this project which would consist of doing two room makeovers at the Lovelady Center in the Eastlake area of Birmingham.

  The LLC is a gospel-centered safe house for over 400 women and 90 children who are either convicted felons or have been court ordered to the center because they are in serious legal trouble. Unlike most prison ministries, the LLC allows mothers to have their children with them as they go through the program. The center wants to unite the mothers and children to Christ, and equip them for a successful life together outside of the LLC. It's truly unique.

   I first started going down to the LLC around Christmas time. The book Radical was fresh off the press, and fresh in my heart so I wanted to jump in there and change the lives of these women. Only, when I first toured the facility I was so incredibly discouraged. The number of women and children was overwhelming. Their obvious need was overwhelming. I could go every single day for a year and no one would even notice me! What's the point?



Before shot of sink area.

Still, I went back to serve Christmas dinner and that sea of women was shrunken down to just eight women sitting at a table waiting for my friends and I to serve them. I could do eight. We spent the evening talking with them and getting to know their stories. We spent the evening serving them dinner and making them feel special. That night, they sat tall at the table. It was a great night and a thought-provoking night. My mind was flooded with relevations: most of these women were white; most of these women looked like you and me; most of these women made a few wrong decisions which left them stranded in the wilderness. These women needed Jesus like I need Jesus. I knew I would be going back. I had to go back.
 So, when the outreach project was set to be centered around the LLC (not to mention shopping and spending), I was all over it. I headed down there with a few friends to see the two rooms we would be improving and hopefully meet the ladies who lived there. We were assigned rooms next door to each other with two women in each room. And God being God put one of the women who was at my Christmas table in one of our rooms. She remembered me and her spunky, wild spirit had been indelible on my mind and it was great to reconnect. I couldn't impact 400 women...but maybe, I could impact four. And God being God, ever aware of my pride, used those four women to impact me.

 See below for more "before" pictures and check back to read what God accomplished that weekend.

What's in a Flower?

  Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Matthew 26:28-29

  It's been a difficult couple of weeks.  I've wanted to write but I've surrendered to sleep during those times when I can think and write in peace. Many of you know that a year ago I was diagnosed with a congenital defect of my spine. It's called spondylolisthesis which means "vertebrae slip". Literally, one of my vertebra has slipped forward out of place and is pressing down on the nerves to my right leg. It has been a most unwelcome guest in my life and I've done everything in my power to get it to leave. That's just it, isn't it? I'VE done everything in MY power to gain control over the pain and the treatment and the outcome. And where has it gotten me? One year, three months of rehab, two thousand dollars, three epidural blocks, and a cocktail of prescriptions later, I'm in the exact same place physically. Spiritually, I have been altered greatly. This trial has revealed so much about my sin and what I believe about the character of God. Thee Gardener has been doing much pruning and it's painful.
  Outside, I'm beginning to see the heads of bulbs push through the earth with determination. Soon daffodils will trumpet and lilies will hang their heads in shyness, bowing to their creator. I think that flowers are one of God's most wondrous creations. The detail, the delicacy, the vibrancy of color and the fragrance all speak to a God whose creativity and power demands our worship. Why did God go to such effort to infuse beauty and life into something so fleeting? Flowers, after all, wither and die.
  Could we not say the same of us? Our beauty fades and our time will come when the color drains from our petal-like cheeks and we die down into the earth. Are we really worth it?  Am I worth it when my Gardener sees the beauty of His hand suffocated by the thick weeds of sin? Can I reflect back the beauty of His glory?
   These versus in Matthew say, yes. Unequivocally, yes! How much more does my Lord love me than the flowers? He supplies all the needs to the flowers of the field, which pass much more quickly than you or I. Will He not supply all my needs as a child of His, created to think and feel and love Him back? He will. He has clothed me--clothed me in the garments of grace. My Lord has declared me beautiful and I must live in His light if I am to grow and be healthy just as the flowers turn their heads to the rays of the sun for their sustenance.
  Sometimes I forget just how much I am valued--more than the birds of the air or the grasses of the field for He did not create those things to praise Him. Physical pain can speak lies and tell us that we are suffering because of we are of no value. But the Lord who knows the very number of hairs on my head loves me. He created me as I am, crooked back and all, and He will use all things for His glory.
 I'm preaching to myself today, but maybe you too are suffering in some way. Let's remember that His love for us is demonstrated throughout scripture. No garden is without weeds. A gentle, caring Gardener works tirelessly because He believes in the beauty of His creation. When the pruning is complete, we will stand erect before Him and be visible evidence His greatness. I want to be that kind of flower.

Meet Trouble!

 I'm quite certain that every child safety device was created with children like Ben in mind. He is just plain trouble wrapped in a deliciously cute package. That's a double threat.
 He's my only boy after two girls and so I was totally unprepared for his mischievous antics and his destructive actions. He's not malicious. No, not at all. Just....curious.
 So when it came to moving him into a "big boy" bed, I was terrified. I knew it was time, but why would I grant him greater access to this curiosity by removing the barrier of a barred crib? Was I insane? After much discussion, I did concede to the hubby that moving Ben into a bed would certainly help my back (more about that in another post). So, off to the mattress store we went. One twin and a few hundred bucks later, we were equipped with a tangible reminder that our toddler is no longer a baby (insert sobs here).
  He wanted to sleep in the bed immediately. In my distress, I tried to convince him to wait just a little bit longer. "Don't you like your crib?" I asked. What I was really saying was, "Mommy likes you in your crib because you stay put. You sleep well. You aren't growing up if you're in a crib. Why does everything have to change? I need some chocolate!" However, after he kissed the crib and said goodbye to it, I figured it was time to embrace the change (and by embrace, I mean kicking and screaming).

We bought a cute construction quilt from HomeGoods and some sheets, bedskirt, mattress protector, and pillow top mattress pad--everything a boy needs to have a good night's sleep. He LOVED the quilt. The boy is seriously into cars, trucks, diggers, etc... We put it all together and he tried it out with sisters one and two. I think they liked it!

 Ben beamed and declared, "I have a big bed like Gracie and Mon-noo (translation: Molly)" It was love at first sight. But how would the first sleep go? How long would it take him to slink down and start a fire? To try to repel out of the window? To swallow a figurine or flush a stuffed animal down the toilet? HOW LONG?

  Nap time rolled around and I read to him atop his throne and stroked his hair. I explained to him that he must stay in his bed and that getting out was punishable by spanking! I told him that if he stayed in his bed he would get marshmellows when he woke up (I'm pulling out all the stops NOT to have my house burned down). Then I said goodnight. Exit room. Run to baby monitor. Wait. Wait. Wait. Nothing. Silence. Breathing. Sucking. Seriously? That's it? Against my better judgement, I inched back into the room and saw my boy (my big boy)--fast sleep. I wanted to cry. It's not about the bed. It's about acknowledging that this is probably the last baby we're going to have. It's about letting go. Honestly, my heart aches for another baby, and the Lord knows this. We have been praying about having a fourth, but my body fails me daily and I can't confidently say that it would be a wise decision to go against the doctors that have told me my family is complete. So, I leave it in the Lord hands to comfort my grieving heart. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows the state my back is in--He crafted the bones and though defective in the eyes of surgeons and specialists, I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." And so after seven years of continuous use, the crib is broken down and stored. The season is over and we head into another season.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a -time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."



It's all about Grace

 February is a really cruel month. The sky is consistently colorless, and the coldness ties you to your house. Signs of spring have not yet broken through. We fight illness. We fight boredom. We just plain fight! But in the midst of all this white stillness, is a sparkling ray of warm sunshine...and her name is Grace Perry.
 Five years ago on February 1st, Grace literally burst onto the scene. Born three weeks early and in a chaotic hour and a half, Grace entered the world just a screaming to be noticed! She had a rocky (or should I say noisy) first four months, but then settled into being a wonderfully calm, sweet baby. She's been that way ever since.
 As our children grow, I can begin to see what their unique gifts are and Grace was born with a special heart which is naturally bent towards helpfulness, and compassion. She notices when you're hurting and she hurts. She's eager to do anything to help even if it's not quite done right. She loves to please. She is particularly sensitive which can sometimes be difficult, but if Brent and I (by way of the Holy Spirit) can properly steer that sensitivity, she could be greatly used to care for God's people. She just knows how to love well.
 God knew I needed a little girl like Grace, and her name reflects the period of our lives that we were (and still are) in when expecting her: astute awareness of God's grace to sinners such as us. It was God's grace that sustained me during a grueling pregnancy and that same grace that delivered her into our arms healthy and happy. Her name also reflects my favorite scripture, "But he said 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' (2 Cor 12:9). I had it stenciled on the wall in her nursery, and as I rocked this weak little infant each night, I was reminded that I too am as weak as newborn babe without the perfect grace of my Lord and Savior.

 At five, she's a typical girl requesting a Sleeping Beauty dress and her annual spaghetti dinner with the family. She loves spaghetti!! It's a treat to watch her slurp and suck those noodles with such innocence and carelessness. The world is perfect to her. We pray that she can hold on to that childlike spirit for a while longer, and that when the reality of the world steals it, she will see the need for a Savior and He will draw near to her.

  Dear Gracie,
Mommy loves you, precious girl. Thank you for the way you allow me to experience the joys of life with you. Thank you for the sweet embraces I receive every day and for the life that bursts forth from you. Realize that the sweetness God put in you is for His purpose and seek ways to use it for His Glory. We're so proud of who you are and excited to walk beside you as you grow. What a joy to be your mother.